21Jan11


05Jan11

Growing up, my family never turned off the tv. It wasn’t until I moved out that I learned the bliss of silence. Do you know what it’s like to just exist in a room? What  it’s like to eat while nothing else is happening? To focus on your food or on your own thoughts … I don’t remember anymore what that’s like. I turned to music pretty quickly, and don’t have silence anymore. I still hate television though. I can’t stand watching it with other people when we could be doing anything else. There are shows that I’ll watch on my laptop, but I always lose interest eventually. My roommate and  I have a tv that sits in the middle of our living room, gathering dust. I don’t know what’s wrong with us.

Back at my mom’s house for winter break, the television is always on again. Last night, it wouldn’t turn on. We ate dinner in this really nice way, where we talked about our day and appreciated each other. Afterwards, my brother and I did a puzzle while my mother did whatever mothers do on the computer and my stepdad just went to bed. I had dared him to go a week without the television and he countered with me spending a week off my laptop, to which I agreed to do, but then he backed down. I probably couldn’t have done it anyway, and I would have cheated because he doesn’t know what my phone can do.

There’s all this talk about television and music and computers blocking us from having to interact with each other, creating artificial emotions or at least some kind of superficial filters. Maybe it’s right. Or maybe we need all of this to have something to do. I wonder what we would do, though, if we didn’t have it? There haven’t been any world wars since the internet was invented. Just saying.

I guess there haven’t exactly been any Gandhi’s either. I guess those are extreme irrelevant examples. I think we’re doing okay. Maybe I think that  just because I’ll never be able to give up my laptop. What a weird world we live in.


04Jan11

My mom once threatened to buy sunglasses instead of groceries for the week. I was in high school, and I didn’t think it was particularly funny, but she thought it would make a good story. She didn’t buy the glasses, but I still remember it.

When I hear parts of songs but not the other part, it makes me feel a little anxious. I don’t mean like getting the end of the radio cut, I mean literally half, like the instruments without the lyrics. Listening to mashups is the worst. I can usually force myself to get over it pretty fast, but for a good second or two I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I cleaned my car out. I’m pretty sure I hadn’t cleaned it since high school, and I finally got rid of my work apron  and my walkman. I didn’t really get rid of them. They’re in my closet. I had a long drawn out fight about whether or not to throw them away. Lisa, why do you need this clutter in your life? Lisa, how can you throw away such cherished memories? I’m still mad at myself.

Another internship, another dollar, another round of classes. Cherry coke. Fireworks.


26Dec10

As of yesterday, I’ve decided to be unbearably nice to my brother. To be fair, he was at work all day so I haven’t had the opportunity to really put it into effect, but I did make him waffles this morning. He was appreciative?

We bought this for my brother for Christmas (when I say we, it was my mom and stepdad). It’s an RC car. They’re all the rage lately, my stepdad has a gas powered one and my grandfather got my grandma one for Christmas (word’s still out on her appreciation). It’s fun for sure. How could it not be? It’s loaded with realism! Now that we can package realism, we won’t need to do anything else really. Buy some experience, unwrap a little authenticity. See the Mona Lisa, climb Mount Everest, all in a little box.

He uses the truck to wear his dog out. Every picture I take of his dog looks like this:

 

His name is Dexter

The brother with the waffles and the brother with the dog is two different brothers.


25Dec10

Albert Einstein, a genius who cheated on his wife, had this to say when a group of children asked him for a Christmas message: “Learn to be happy through the good fortunes and joys of your friends and not through senseless quarrels. If you allow these natural feelings to blossom within you, your every burden will seem lighter or more bearable to you, you will find your own way through patience, and you will spread joy everywhere.”

My family opens presents on Christmas Eve. It’s nice. Today my brother had to work and my other brother spent the day with his wife’s family. I went with my mom and step dad to see the Little Fockers and afterwards we drove around trying to find an open grocery store so we could buy some waffle mix to make waffles with my new waffle iron. I want chocolate chips in my waffles. My stepdad doesn’t. My mom is pretty sure we can compromise somehow.  We also needed cranberry juice to mix with vodka.

We found one. Afterwards while driving home we went by the casino. They suddenly wanted food, there’s a Fatburger inside. Of course it was open. I had never had Fatburger, and I hadn’t brought my wallet anyway (You can’t set foot in casinos here if you’re not 21, even if you’re just getting Fatburger). They went while I waited in the parking lot, and once they came back we ate it right there in the car with the windows rolled down.

Now we’re home watching some 80s movie. Merry Christmas!


22Dec10

Driving home alone at two in the morning, you start to feel like you’re the only person in the world. But you know you’re not. Because you keep following the rules of the road. Either you don’t want to get caught or you don’t want to suddenly find out you’re not alone in a terrible way.

I started to watch Up because you assholes said it was soo good, but I had to turn it off because I was getting tears all over my Christmas presents.  Maybe I’ll finish it some other time.

For now I’ll finish wrapping these presents. I made some cookies, too, where I improvised some ingredients. I hope my family likes them. I feel like I can’t judge correctly if they’re good when I made them. I like everything I make. It was a mix, but I put in some alcohol (Carolans) and some cornstarch and a little flour, because I forgot to leave out the egg white.

I’m now watching a commercial where people need cash now so they’re singing an opera about it on the bus. Commercials are a little bewildering. I think I’ll just turn off the television.


12Dec10

I like my job but not when I have to work seven hours and have two tests the next day. I’m not looking forward to this week but come Friday, I am sailing easy for the next four weeks. Kind of. I have to go live with my family, which has the tendency to drive me crazy. My mom says I have to love my brother, but I don’t have to like him. This has never made sense to me. At least I get to see my darling niece more often. She’s still pretty boring, but I’ll be damned if the size of her cheeks don’t crack me up.

I’m filling out grad apps while simultaneously studying for finals. Yes, I will tell you, this is painful. It reminds me though, Professor I, if you still read this, will you e-mail me? I’d really appreciate it.

I hate finals. I feel so static and unfriendly. And dull. Pretend I told you a witty story. Laugh a little, and shake your head slightly. Laugh out loud in public when you’re not walking with anyone. I dare you. This might help: my family loves to watch Orange County Choppers and you know how they cuss a lot and have to bleep it out? My grandma thought they were bleeping out motorcycle secrets, private family matters they didn’t want America to hear.