de·pressed (d-prst) adj.
1. sad and gloomy; dejected; downcast.

I have a hideous scab on my arm. I’m refraining from picking it. I’ve told myself if I can not pick it, I can do anything. It’s dumb, I know. Being able to not pick a scab is not the same as writing a paper or studying for a test or or getting a job or succeeding in life.

In second grade I accidentally called my teacher mommy. I was horrified. I stayed after school to explain that I did not think she was my mommy and that I had a mommy and that I loved her a lot. I don’t remember the other kids even noticing. I was pretty cautious from there on out though. I didn’t speak to her more than necessary. She probably thought I was such a weirdo. “Good morning, Ms. …. Martin.” I still have difficulty saying teachers’ names to their face. I never told my mom either, for fear she would be upset.

In third grade I told my teacher I had a “headick” and could I please go to the nurse’s office? She made me repeat it several times before allowing me to go, and when I asked my mom about it, she did the same thing. Some time later I understood that people were saying the far more explanatory “headache.”

This last one is really embarrassing. Up until high school, I thought the correct response to someone sneezing was “blush you.” It wasn’t until I typed in a sneeze on AIM and my friend replied, “bless you” that I figured it out. No one ever noticed, though I’m very diligent now about pronouncing it correctly.

I think lull is a beautiful word. I think you’re beautiful too. I read this great quote today: “I wonder if the ugly duckling felt stupid when he realized being pretty didn’t magically solve all his problems.” –  Joey Comeau, whose new book is out that I would like to buy but I cannot. I am poor. Drat.


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