There’s nothing wrong with me. My two and a half hour classes (minus Shakespeare) are fun and engaging and I have no problem sitting through them. Those Tuesday/Thursday ones though, they kill me. After a few minutes of blatant lecturing I start checking the clock and looking out the window, desperate to be outside. The last 15 minutes are the worst. My leg starts shaking, I tap the desk, glance at the clock, faster tapping, glance at the window, faster shaking, clock, tap tap tap, window, shake shake. It’s ridiculous. I’m usually the first one out the door, inhaling fresh air and immediately feeling better. I must drive the people in my classes nuts.

I almost lost it in my Shakespeare class today. The windows had been blocked off by large black frames, every time I looked back at them I almost gasped because I thought it was dark outside. I was practically suffocating. I spent all of my concentration on not hyperventilating, so class was basically a waste of time anyway. I tried to spend the time in class writing stories so that I could at least benefit somehow and have something to keep me grounded, but it didn’t really work. I’m too paranoid about a professor realizing I’m not taking notes and demanding to read what I’ve written. I know that would never happen, I really do, but you can’t help paranoia.

Thursday I intend to pay attention, take very good notes and not look at the clock once. Window ventures are allowed, sanity is a must.


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