03Jul09

Today I made an excursion into the life of the rich. It was Keith’s brother-in-law’s birthday and while it seems silly to buy something for someone who owns two tricked out F-450s just because he can, we buy him something anyway. This year, my mom and Keith decide to get him a gift card to have his car washed.

Now, you and I might think that’s a piss poor gift, but that’s because you don’t know how the rich get their car washed. We go to this place called, I shit you not, an auto spa. The cheapest car wash is $11.99, but the most expensive was $299.99 (You save $400!). Who the fuck would spend that much on a car wash, I don’t know. With the help of our very own car wash specialist, we choose a $79.99 deal. Plus, they offer to wash my mother’s car for free! Wow!

We wait inside the building while they wash my mother’s car. They’ve provided us with leather couches and flat screen televisions and, bewilderingly, a free popcorn machine. One television is playing tennis, two are showcasing the cars as they advance through the car wash stages, another plays some talk show with two annoyingly preppy women.

The people all seem sophisticated, somehow. They’re almost all on a phone, making very important business decisions, I’m sure. An old woman approaches me, something tells me she’s very unaware that she could’ve paid five bucks up the street, and she asks if the cars come here when they’re done. I tear my eyes away from the television and stop shoveling popcorn into my mouth for a second and glance around briefly to wonder if I had seen a car come through here before I look back at her and shrug, because for all I know, they do. I shouldn’t have even have had to walk all the way to this room from my car for how much I’m paying them (theoretically).

Eventually I notice the free Wi-Fi sign and feeling like a fraud I pull out my iPod Touch. Is anyone else here faking their richness? That boy studying for the MCATs couldn’t possibly be rich. Could he? And what about that guy, with the Dunkin’ Donuts coffee? Wrong. It’s a matter of time before the boy pulls out his blackberry and the guy whips out the smallest laptop I have ever seen. They’re rich and I’m not, probably they would laugh if I tell them that my stepdad found my iPod Touch on the ground in a parking lot and gave it to me. The stupid Wi-Fi doesn’t work anyway.

Eventually my mother comes and says she sees her car outside and we should go wait for them to finish drying it off. Fear not, however, because outside they provide the most comfortable lawn chairs I have ever sat in in my entire life, plus huge umbrellas. The only downside is that the view has been reduced to car drying. Bored, I try the Wi-Fi again. Nothing. It’s like they know I don’t deserve it. But then they’re done and my mother tips them (!) and we drive away, sitting in a car that had better stay clean for at least a few years.

When we get home I see my car and realize how dirty it is before I think, who gives a shit? and happily walk inside.

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One Response to “”

  1. 1 igatsol

    This post was really eye opening and clever.


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