I analyze and I verify and I quantify

14Dec08

God, I hate finals week. It makes me feel so pathetic. I don’t study, so I mostly lay around doing nothing. Today would be the fourth day I’ve gotten out of bed after noon? I’m sick of it already and it has barely started.

Maybe I should start studying, or something. It’s so gloomy and beautiful outside, I wish I could be there. It’s too cold though.

I just wanna be somewhere else. I almost said home, but where is that now? Maricopa? It’s hard to go home to a place I’ve never lived before. My life is so depressing. How do I fix this? There are any number of lame cliches that could solve this – “Home is where the heart is,” or “Home is what you make it” but that’s not good enough for me. I want to belong somewhere. When I say home I want it to mean something. There’s this giant puzzle piece in Maricopa that doesn’t fit in with my life, and it’s hard.

I guess I’ll just try to not fail out of college. I’ll try to create meaning out of my life. I want to use words scarcely, so that they have meaning. So when I finally have use for that word, home, it really is something. What would it be like to really mean it when we say things like sorry and hate and love and whatever?

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2 Responses to “I analyze and I verify and I quantify”

  1. Home is where you find the people you love.
    It’s hard to go home to place where you’ve lived if you’ve grown used to thinking of somewhere else as home.
    Tucson = home for me, but I’m going home to Scottsdale tomorrow. Perplexing.

    I think if we really meant it when we said sorry or hate or love we would be experiencing a larger roller coaster of emotions every day.

  2. 2 Casey

    I concur with the larger roller coaster idea. It would force us to think presently, without a dissociation between our interior mental state and our outward presentation. The trouble is that that kind of radical honesty tends to be alienating. It’s too rare that both parties are able to receive each other in the right context to allow for that…that’s why we cultivate friends so we can do it as often as we can.

    So, in other words…talk to friends, as obvious as that sounds. Get them to get you up, even if it’s just helping them study. It’s better than being alone, if that’s why you’re unhappy. Just an idea.

    And here’s a kitty. =^.^=


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